Then: Beavers Now: Ducks

Leave it to Beaver

Then: Leave it To Beaver

Duck Dynasty2

 

Now:  Duck Dynasty

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Now matter how you look at it, it’s all about family. Read why I’m so obsessed with these bearded men.

 

 

 

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BIGGEST FALL READING GIVEAWAY EVER!

Everyone loves free stuff, right? And free books! What could be better?

I’ve joined with some of the best bloggers on the planet for this GIANT GIVEAWAY.

There’s something for everyone!

THE BIGGEST FALL READING GIVEAWAY EVER!

Biggest giveaway

First off, we’ve collected practically an entirely new library for you – nine (9) (NINE!!!) new books to make you laugh, cry, and forget that you were supposed to turn on the crockpot because you’re just plain having too much fun.

Books

You Have Lipstick On Your Teeth, the long-awaited first humor anthology from In The Powder Room, is the #1 Hot New Release on Amazon for good reason – it’s packed with 39 (mostly) true tales by women, for women, about being women—bodily changes, relationships, careers, motherhood, aging, illness, and more—written with the humor and grit that proudly sets In The Powder Room apart. The winner’s shiny new copy will be signed by none other than Lipstick co-author and editor, Leslie Marinelli of The Bearded Iris!

I’m  offering up a autographed paperback copy of my  smart and compelling young adult book, Mercury In Retro Love – a story about crushes, conflicts and astrological confusion.

Do you have a copy of the hilarious best-selling collection of hilarious essays, I Just Want To Pee Alone, yet? Well, I bet you don’t have a copy signed by four of the co-authors – Amy Bozza of My Real Life signed one with Kim Bongiorno, Kim Forde and Anna Sandler, and she’s willing to part with it JUST FOR YOU! It covers every parenting topic from planning for your baby, to being driven insane by your children, to… wait, are there other parenting topics? Yes, don’t be silly, of course there are. I’m pretty sure.

From Abby Has Issues, you’ll get a signed paperback copy of Abby Still Has Issues, the 5-star rated second installment of award-winning humor writer Abby’s compiled blogging neurosis – everything from the drama of a cab ride with Aunt Mable to her quest to become a naked sushi model.

Carriage Before Marriage has two stories in the hilarious, irreverent anthology What Was I Thinking: 58 Bad Boyfriend Stories featuring essays from Carrie Fisher, Sex and The City producer Cindy Chupack and more. Romantic disasters spun into comedy gold for your entertainment!

Janie Emaus is offering up a autographed paperback copy of her smart and compelling young adult book, Mercury In Retro Love – a story about crushes, conflicts and astrological confusion.

Kim Bongiorno, of Let Me Start By Saying, has generously added an autographed paperback copy of her 5-star rated “Part of My World: Short Stories”, a book that allows the reader to escape into 21 unique, exhilarating worlds.  To boot, she’s including a “How Being a Parent is Like Being a Rock Star” note card, based on her hilarious graphic that’s gone viral (blank inside, with envelope).

You’ll also win an autographed copy of Not Your Mother’s Book…on Being a Parent, co-authored by Stacey Hatton of Nurse Mommy Laughs. These new anthologies are edgy “poultry for the chakra” books and will have you laughing instead of crying.

Of course your library won’t be complete without a signed paperback copy of the best selling debut of humorist Paige Kellerman, At Least My Belly Hides My Cankles – a touching story of cankles, gestational diabetes, and one woman’s quest not to pee her own pants while carrying twins.

Still want more parenting laughs? Parenting Gag Reel – Hilarious Writes and Wrongs (from the popular Life Well Blogged series) is for moms and dads who’ve fought to get little ones down for a nap, worn their pajamas to drop off the kids at school or can name at least ten shades of poop. If that’s you, you’re in the right place for an afternoon of laughter, thanks to some very funny bloggers, including Snarkfest.

But wait – that’s not all! Because we love you and we know that just WANTING to read doesn’t always get you the time, setting, and accessories that make it possible, we’re also including all of this:

Zazoo clock

Because it’s hard to concentrate on reading while the kids are awake, we’ll set you up with the customizable kid’s photo clock of your choice from ZAZOO KiDS! In addition to allowing you to upload your own photos, video and music, it has pre-programmed image alarms to show a child visually when they can start the day or when it is time to rest. Brilliant! For maximum reading time, we recommend setting bedtime to 4 PM.

Duck tape

Because they might still need a little help staying in bed, there’s Duck Tape. Everyone can find a fun and creative use for Duck Tape, from crafty tweens to practical DIYers, to mamas who just want to read for a minute, for Pete’s sake. We’re giving away an awesome prize pack of Duck Tape in assorted colors and patterns.

agm mug

Because sometimes Mama needs a little glass of something while she reads, you’ll get a monogrammed Vino-2-Go (Wine Sippy! Right? RIGHT? Awesome.) for those special times when you need to be the classiest bitch at a party, or when you’re just afraid you might spill some precious vino on your precious book.

pillow

Because you need to be comfortable while you read, we’re bringing you your choice of one throw pillow from Sewn, Inc. Sewn is a small design atelier in Brooklyn, NY, specializing in dressmaking, custom Halloween costumes for children, home decor accents, and quilted Christmas stockings.

purse

Because you might be out and about while you’re reading (hey, it could happen), the winner will also get a $30 gift certificate to the Jennifer Ladd shop on Etsy, which is chock full of gorgeous handbags and change purses.

Nostalgic Graphic Tees Elizabeth Horton

Because you’ll need something clean for your kids to wear if you hope to put off the laundry one more day, let us introduce you to Nostalgic Graphic Tees by Elizabeth Horton. Brushed for softness and screen printed using multiple layers of environmentally friendly ink, you’ll be happy when this becomes your child’s favorite shirt because it’ll stand up to life and washings and still look good enough to hand down to a little brother or sister. Winner gets to choose any tee from the Etsy site. That’s winner’s choice! You just have to pick from a size in stock.

 

Because you’ll need something cozy to “borrow” from your husband’s closet while you read (or because you’re the husband whose cozy stuff keeps getting “borrowed,” or because you just happen to like reading and comfort), Cool Dads is providing one of their tees. They work hard to make tees that their kids would dig, and that they would be proud to wear too. They feature a tailored fit, custom stitching, and high quality bamboo viscose material that makes their shirts softer than the softest cotton, keep you degrees cooler, and even repel sweat to keep you dry.

bubbles

Because people are always trying to take the few things around the house that aren’t made by Fisher Price (like your new fantastic book collection) and claim them as their own, label them in style with Name Bubbles. These sturdy, water-resistant and dishwasher safe labels come in a variety of colors, sizes, and fonts so you can personalize them just the way you want. We’re giving away a School Labels Pack, an assortment of over 80 labels!

bookmard

Because we know you’ll get interrupted while you’re trying to read, you’ll get a $40 gift card to Snappin Studio, where they make unique hand stamped metal keepsakes like beautiful copper bookmarks. What a stylish way to keep track of where you left off, until you’re finished getting the kids just one more glass of water at 10:30 PM! Shop for gorgeous hand stamped metal gifts such as personalized guitar picks, unique anniversary gifts, handmade wedding favors and more.

Also, because we know we’re all just barely holding it together ourselves, we’re including a canvas I Just Want To Pee Alone tote bag so YOU can hold all this stuff together – super rare and totes adorable, you’ll be able to carry all this incredible loot in style.

Amazon Card

And finally, because we know we might have forgotten something (Who, US???), the lucky winner will also get a $175.00 Amazon gift card, to spend however he or she wants, although we strongly suggest using it to buy the giveaway hosts something pretty.

That’s almost $700 worth of fantastic prizes!

NOW FOR THE NITTY-GRITTY:

To qualify: You must have a deep, burning desire to own all or part of the stuff mentioned above, and live in the United States. (So sorry, non-United States friends – we love you big time, but we don’t understand your sweepstakes rules and don’t enjoy serving jail time. Also, POSTAGE. Gah. It’s, like, more than college tuition.)

Required: Do the little Rafflecopter thingy. Winner will be chosen at random and notified after the giveaway closes on Saturday, October 5. If there’s no response from the winner within 24 hours, another winner will be chosen and so on until I decide just to keep everything for myself. (I’m kidding, of course. OR AM I? Yes, I’m kidding.)

Just click on the link below to enter.

a Rafflecopter giveaway
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Bigger than a bread box

Read me today IN THE POWDER ROOM  and see why I miss this great invention.

I don’t really know how we’re living without it. Life was so much easier.

 
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Grandma, did you know that you have…

 

 

Four Generations of Hands

Four Generations of Hands

There is nothing like being a grandparent, except perhaps sharing this experience with your own mother.  Yes, we have four generations in our family, as depicted by the picture above.

The grandchildren in our family are showered with love and affection and in return, what do they do? They give us the truth!

Because they are in that pre-filter age, when whatever they think just comes pouring out their mouths, as a grandmother I hear a lot of  unwanted things.

For those of you yet to experience this, here are a few hints to help you stay afloat through those ever surprising moments.

1. Grandma, did you know you have a mustache?

Clearly your grandchild is looking at some dog hair that must have stuck to your upper lip when your lovable boxer greeted you earlier in the day. Well, you can think that all you want. But odds are your grandchild is telling it like it is.

There’s not much to do in this situation except laugh it off. And then of course, hurry home to your mirror, pick up the phone and make an appointment with your local esthetician.

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Well, most grandparents today were not born before the invention of the telephone itself. Before smart phones, yes. But we did have telephones on which to call our friends. We even had long extension cords so that we could walk around our bedrooms.

But to our grandchildren life before texting, emails and iPods falls in the same category as the cave man, dinosaurs and the pyramids. To a young child, fifteen minutes was a long time.

Best to just explain that you survived by spending actual face time with your friends. Granted, you did waste a lot of time waiting by the phone for that someone special to call but it wasn’t a life threatening condition to walk around the mall without being plugged into a cell phone.

3. Grandma, when your wrinkles go away, then you can wear a bikini. Right?

If only that were true! This one is pretty much a double dose of the truth. The only thing that gets you on the other side of this blunt fact is a glass of wine.

As it stands, I envy my grandchildren’s naivety. Their ability to say whatever comes into their mind without being judged, and without judging others.

Eventually, they will learn to not always blurt out what they are thinking. But in this fast paced day of instant gratification, I hope they stay innocent for a very long time.

Happy Grandparents Day – September 8th – to all you grandparents!

 

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Then: Watching a TV Show Now: Living a TV Show

GUY

 

It’s easy to get caught up in the lives of those we watch on so-called Reality TV.

It’s fun and entertaining.

But when Reality TV and “real” life collide….
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IT’S AMAZING!

THANK YOU, GUY FIERI

 

 

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You Have Lipstick On Your Teeth

It’s finally here!

For years In The Powder Room has been sharing stories that tell it like it is.  Stories about friendships, siblings, sex, love, children, parents, hot flashes, aging skin, skinny dippy, serendipitous moments. Anything and everything you share with your friends. Because really, when you get right down to it, there is nothing like a good girlfriend.  They are always there when needed, with a soft tissue, a good bottle of wine and much welcomed penisless perspective.

And now the moment has come to share these stories in one of the funniest anthologies you’ll ever read.

So without further ado – I give you “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth” and Other Things You’ll Only Hear from Your Friends In The Powder Room.

Lipstick Larger

Edited by the fabulous Leslie Marinelli
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Click here to read about all the co-authors in the book. They are the funniest ladies on the planet.  And I’m proud to be one of them!

Lipstick photo

So what are you waiting for?

BUY IT NOW!

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A Bit About BlogHer

I’m still formulating my thoughts, which as of today, could take a bit of time. But meanwhile, I wanted to share some photo highlights of the conference.

No words needed! VOTY 1 July 2013 123

And a shout out to Virginia Sullivan for being my partner in crime. Although, we didn’t really commit one. Should I? Shouldn’t I? You know, even at this age, we can’t always make a decision without leaning on good friends.

 

Some New Friends: The amazing writers In The Powder Room July 2013 152

 

An explosion of product July 2013 147

A Room With A View

July 2013 103

A Tired Roommate – A Friend for Life  – Helene– Bookiswonderful and so is she!

July 2013 151

 

It was beyond wonderful meeting all the great ladies at Generation Fabulous, Better After 50 , The Boombox Network, and Midlifebloggers.

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Through the haze and the mush,

There is one thing I learned.

There are women like me,

Wherever I turn.

Janie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Menopausal Maniacs in Mexico

MarlintinOct2007 034

I’m bumping down the beach on a four wheel quad.    The wind whips my hair off my face, blowing it into dreadlocks.  Sand gets into my eyes and nostrils.  The sky is a dark blanket filled with hundreds of shiny pinpricks.

In front of me, seven ladies are zooming along the sand.  One by one they raise their hands in the air and sing.

“Ai yi yi yi yi.”

It’s a perfect evening in Baja.  It’s freedom.  No cell phones.  No beeping and zinging.  No worries.

It’s a birthday celebration like none other.

From the picture I’ve painted, you’re probably assuming that we are celebrating turning thirty or perhaps forty.  After all, we are indulging in an activity associated with the young.

And you’re partially right.  Half the group are women turning thirty, the other half of the group, of which I am a proud member, are turning sixty.

QUAD RIDING

QUAD RIDING

Yes, we are entering our sixth decade with gusto.  And why not?  The last time I checked with a travel guide, being young and fit wasn’t a prerequisite for acting wild and crazy at the beach in Baja.

Now of course, we “mature” senoras are celebrating a bit differently from our young senoritas.  We stay up later.  We drink more.  We flirt without restrains and expectations.

Because with age comes wisdom.  And a certain kind of freedom that lets you act without second guessing yourself.      It also brings a few other changes.  Such as essential when packing.

Whereas the thirty-year-olds brought moisturizers, body oils, and SPF 15 sunscreen, we older ladies packed anti-aging face creams, puffy eye reduction oils, and SPF 500 sunsblocks.

The younger girls brought birth control pills and vitamins.  We wouldn’t be caught dead without our hormone pills, calcium, antacids, and high-blood pressure meds.

The young women filled their suitcases with pretty flowered sundresses, fancy sandals and even high heels.

We brought comfortable walking shoes, sweat pants and tank tops.

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The senoritas brought manicure sets, complete with nail buffers, cuticle softeners and various polishes.  We senoras made sure to have scrub brushes to get the dirt out of our fingernails after a long night of quad riding on the beach.

But not only do we pack differently, we carry with us different baggage.  And with a mind set allowing us to let that baggage go.

So, in the evening, while the young girls hover around their computers, posting the days activities on Facebook and Skyping with their friends back home, we older ladies sit on the deck, sipping margaritas looking up at the sky. We know there will be plenty of time later to look at our photos and relive the trip.  For now, we are going to live the trip.

The young girls feel the need to stay in touch with “real” life, sharing their every move.  We have checked out of “reality” for this week and checked into Paradise.

In the morning, we’ll be riding again.  Menopausal women with hot flashes taking the town by storm.

We know the local fisherman, the beach vendors, the Mariachi singers, and especially the bartenders.  They know us, not as “older ladies” but as “That Crazy Quad Gang.”

MarlintinOct2007 071

In thirty years when our young girls turn sixty, I hope I can be here to celebrate with them.

After all, age is just a state of mind.  Of course, it helps to have a body that holds up.  But there is nothing like driving a quad, at night, on the beach to keep your mind and body young.

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Voices of the Year Award

The Romance Writer’s of America have the Rita award.

The Motion Picture industry has the Oscar.

Oscar

 

Television has the Emmy.

Mystery Writers have The Edgar and The Agatha.

Edgar

The National Grocer Association has it’s Best Bagger Award.

best bagger

And bloggers have THE VOICES OF THE YEAR AWARD given by BlogHer.

I’m so proud to have been included with this years honorees for the following blog.

SENIORITIS – It’s a long way from that first Senior Trip

SeniorTrip

to the ones I take today

MarlintinOct2007 027

where I get to use a Senior Discount.

funny_senior_citizen_discount_joke_35_x_5_flat_ca

 SENIORITIS

The first time I walked the earth as a senior, it was down a high school corridor. At that time a virus was something that only attacked our bodies. A mouse was an animal you didn’t want sitting on your desk. And a tweet was that sweet sound the birds chirped in the morning.

In those days, I was proud to show off my senior status. I counted my days to freedom, when I would be able to make decisions on my own. I saved diligently for my senior trip and the days beyond when I would be living in the “real” world.
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Well, I’ve been in that real world now for over half a century. Throughout those years I’ve made many decisions and worn various labels: mom, wife, grandmother, author, boss lady.

And I’ve been able to pass among them with ease. Until recently. Until I found myself, a fifty-something lady, being offered my first Senior Discount meal at a fast food restaurant.

Me? Was that smiling, wrinkle-free girl offering me a senior discount?

I glanced around. But as I was the only one in line I had to assume her question was for me, and me alone.

“Do you need my ID?” I asked.

“Nope.” She raised and then dropped her shoulders as if I were asking the most ridiculous question in the world.

I placed my order, counted my savings, carried my tray to a table and snuck into my seat.

As I ate, I realized I had just passed through another “first” and like all “firsts” it would be a significant moment forever embedded in my memory.

It didn’t seem possible that I was old enough for this discount. A senior was my mother, someone in her eighties with white hair. Someone who remembered life before “TV,” not before the invasion of the “i” generation. Someone who worshipped Frank Sinatra and not Paul McCartney. Oh, wait a minute.  Isn’t Paul a senior citizen now, too?

Senior. I rolled it around on my tongue a few times. The word sounded the same as when I was in high school, but this time around it felt so completely different.

The first time I was a senior, I danced to “Satisfaction” all night. Now, I’m satisfied to stay home, eat a good meal and watch TV.

The first time, my hormones raged over hot guys. Now, they rage about every hour or so in one of those body soaking hot flashes.

Back then, I learned how to drive in the fast lane.  Now, I’m learning to listen to my body and to slow down.

In my other senior life, I ironed the curls out of my hair to get it bone straight. Now, I’m doing curls at the gym to strengthen my bones.

Back then I poured baby oil over my skin and watched the sun color it a shade darker. Now, I pour myself a martini and watch the sun color the sky as it slips below the horizon.

Back in high school the senior label carried prestige. Once there, I had Senioristis and couldn’t wait to graduate. But now, well, I can’t say I’m eager for what happens next. And rather than leave senior status behind, I’d rather hang on to it for as long as possible.

As I left the food court, I mulled over my new status. Now that I was over the initial shock, I realized it’s wasn’t going to be all that bad. I was now eligible for an unlimited array of discounts: movie tickets, hotel rooms, vitamins, massages, gardening tools, eye glasses, taxis, exercise clothes, love lotions… the savings were endless.

And best of all, I vowed to use all those pennies I saved with my senior discount, to help my granddaughter pay for her senior trip.

 

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Before the After is NOW!

 

Ever wonder what happened Before the After?

Find out in my new book available now for only $2.99 on Kindle or Nook.

 

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A timeless love story

A timeless love story

Before the After

 

 

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