As I did last year, I had the great pleasure of meeting with Mrs. Claus, that wonderful woman behind the man who makes Christmas happen. We met for a few hours at the Red Nose Saloon. Over hot buttered rums, she filled me in on her year.
JE: It’s a pleasure to see you again. You look absolutely fabulous.
Mrs. Claus: (blushing a little) Well, you know I put my dear hubby on a diet after last year’s fiasco. Seriously, how many times can a man get stuck in one evening! Obviously he cheated all year, sneaking candy bars into his work shed, but I followed along. And…voiloa! ( running her hands down her slim body.)
JE: It seems to have worked wonders.
Mrs. Claus: I love to keep myself in good shape. Not only for my myself, mind you, but you know I’m doing quite a lot of PR. Along with my blog, I’m on Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, Linkedin, Instagram, Pinterest. And I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but I’m in talks with the BBC and NBC for a reality show, “Mrs. Claus & Jolly Balls.”
JE: How wonderful. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that it all works out.
Mrs. Claus: I think it’s time the public saw what really goes on here during the off season.
JE: I’d certainly watch. So, last year you were working on the GPS system. Have you added anything new this year?
Mrs. Claus: It’s way more sophisticated. But we had quite a scare during our test run.
JE: Do tell.
Mrs. Claus: Well, it was full moon. And wouldn’t you know, dear hubby got lost and landed smack dab in a pack of werewolves. He texted me frantically, calling for help. But what could I do from here, except poor myself another martini and hope for the best.
JE: Oh my god! How did he get out alive?
Mrs. Claus: Fortunately, a few vampires showed up and rescued him. With all the hoopla this year over shape shifters, not to mention the political ones, if you ask me, I’ll take a vampire over an orange-haired human any day.
JE: I’m glad that all turned out okay.
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Mrs. Claus: You and me both. But now on top of shape shifting phobias, the reindeer are kicking their heels up over the new security measures they’ll have to face while flying.
JE: Oh, yes. They have gotten quite strict.
Mrs. Claus: Rudolph is terrified of a cavity search. He’s talking in his sleep, having nightmares. And Cupid is no help at all. She’s teasing Rudolph to death, saying he’s looking forward to it. She claims it’s been a long dry spell here at the Pole.
Mrs. Claus finished her drink and ordered us another round. A few minutes later, her iPhone started singing that old favorite, “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.”
Mrs. Claus: That was my husband.
JE: I guessed from the ring tone. Does he need you?
Mrs. Claus: When doesn’t he? He’s a man, isn’t he? The elves are bit restless. It happens every year. Last year they threatened to go on strike. This year we had the #Metoo situation. It’s always something.
JE: If anyone can handle it, it’s you, Mrs. Claus.
She blushed, but I knew she appreciated my compliment.
JE: Is there anything else you’d like to add.
Mrs. Claus: Follow my tweets on Christmas Eve, #Jollyballs. You’ll get a pretty good idea of how busy I am. My husband’s not the only one working that night.
I thanked her for taking time out of her busy day. We exchanged business cards and as we stood to leave, her phone started ringing again, followed by several text messages.
Mrs. Claus: My last word of advice – Update your calendar.
We wished each other a very #Merry Christmas and a very #Happy New Year!
As she ran off, she yelled over her shoulder, “It’s all about the love and magic. And don’t forget to update your calendar. #doublebooked.”
Janie….what can I say but I LOVE LOVE LOVE this! Gotta go update my calendar. Merry Christmas!